"If you're going through hell, keep going" I don't remember who said that and I could look it up. But why? The message is received all the same. Sometimes I like that quote. When the "hell" I have to go through is doing the things I need to do to get what I want. Then it's great. But if what you are doing is just bringing you down then going through it won't work, you'll just entrench yourself further. I'ts good to have something challenging to do that is rewarding and fulfilling, even if getting up and doing it is still a struggle. I'm always thinking of my work and the things that I need to do that I've fallen behind on. Their will always be things to do, so does that mean I'll always feel like I've fallen behind? I hope not, and I don't think that I will necessarily always feel that way. If I can do the things I need to do immediately and am just more disciplined in doing the work maybe then I will feel better about it. I think that that is the first thing that needs to happen. But once I've done that I'll have to learn how much work I can take on despite being disciplined. Doing that has been difficult so far because no matter how small the task has been I've procrastinated to the last second on getting it done. But if I have a consistent completion time for tasks then I can know how much I can do. It's all about the infrastructure. For example I was trying to follow a morning routine which on paper looked great, but the only problem was that I wasn't waking up at the same time every day. So the routine would be impossible to complete in the same way every day thereby destroying any habit formation. So I scrapped the whole thing and began waking up at the same time every day and let a routine come from that. The routine ended up being very similar to the routine I had thought up before, but it was only now made possible by the "infrastructure" I had to first introduce into my life.
Human behavior and choice seems to be chiefly determined by nurture, nature, and situation. So if I want to determine my fate I need to take control of as many variables as possible on a far more macro level then my simple day to day choices which have mostly been pre-selected for by my situation. So if I take steps to control my routine, the jobs that I do, how much I save vs how much I spend, when I work and when I rest, well then I should be able to better determine my path.